At the rate the Phillies are adding stiffs to their roster this year, they’re gonna need to build a crematorium in the stadium basement. They could market that. Fans could have themselves cremated at the ballpark and be scattered around the basepaths after rain delays and stuff.

I don’t know about you, but I’d do that for sure. Not crazy about the idea of being spit on with tobacco juice though. And I wouldn’t want to be behind the plate, not with the catchers and umpires farting all the time. The umpires especially. They stink.